All the little bullies in bully-ville

 

1 John 2:9

King James Version (KJV)

 ⁹He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now.


I usually don't  quote the King James Version of the bible for many reasons, but this time it seemed appropriate.  Those of you that know me at all know I think protecting "the smaller" from bullies is one of the greatest things we can do. Also turning those bullies into gentle beings to create less bullying would be pretty awesome .

I've been trying to write this for a few days and can't seem to get it out. I've tried to shove it aside for later and can't seem to write anything else because this comes into my mind every time I try to write. How do we stop bullies? Sometimes I think we need to look into ourselves. Do we bully by not speaking up? Do we bully by trying to gloss over whats really going on and "fix" the easy "fix" and ignore the real problem??

Here is the story in short that keeps being stuck in my heart and head. A music teacher changed the word "gay" to "bright" while teaching young students Christmas songs for a school program. Apparently there were several children who kept giggling every time the word "gay" came up.

A lot of queer groups I follow posted about this.  Every one kept posting about "duh, the word has multiple meanings".  Folks kept saying that the teacher missed a chance to educate students on word meanings.

Really? What about a chance to teach respect and anti-bullying? What about the kid sitting next to the whisperers and gigglers that already knows he is "different"? What about the little girls sitting behind them that has two moms?

I knew at that age that I was gay. I may not have known what the word meant and I may not have known all the implications, but I did know it was little girls not little boys I wanted to chase around the play ground.

In my humble opinion those kids were bullies. May not have meant to be, but the giggling and snickering was putting some one else down. The teacher was a bully too. The teachers reaction let those kids know that there is something wrong with the word "gay".

I'm not a parent or an educator. I can't even begin to imagine what it is like trying to mold young minds. So do I have an answer to what exactly should have been said? Sadly no I don't and I wish I did.

I do know that more then the broh haha that this has brought up....more then "keeping tradition"  more then educating about words, we need to think about the kids that just had it reinforced by an adult, that gay is wrong.


Giggles , snickers, elbowing a buddy, knowing looks...... they can hurt. It may seem child like, it may seem innocent but its a form of bullying. Its where it starts.  The teacher knew it wasn't simply nothing or they wouldn't have changed the words.
 We all know its not just "nothing" or it wouldn't have been posted all over facebook.  It's not just about the word....its not about teaching the different meanings of words (all though that is a good thing) its about not keeping silent when there are bullies around you.

Some of my heroes, and I can still see their faces, are a group of queer UVA students from about mmm 1985.  (At that time I think it was just called the Gay Student Union)  One of the verses to the school song is:

That good old song of Wah-hoo-wah--we'll sing it o'er and o'er

It cheers our hearts and warms our blood to hear them shout and roar

We come from old Virginia, where all is bright and gay

Let's all join hands and give a yell for the dear old UVa.

Needless to say when the word "gay" is sung there is a mighty roar of NOT GAY! I had season tickets to go to the women's and men's basket ball games and also went to a lot of football games. I would cringe when I heard this. Then one game, a few students proudly stood and screamed "I'M GAY" as an echo to the not gay roar.

Can you imagine what courage this took to stand up in a crowded stadium, in the middle of your classmates, in the 80's no less and yell this? Some of them may have forgotten this event, I don't know, but it was a turning point in my 16 year old heart. I promised to never shy away from who I was. It took almost 10 years between an event very similar to the one in the news and for me to see those students proudly yell, to know I was ok.


Are you offended? Defensive? Mad? If so good, do something about it! If not, your not listening hard enough.


For our friends that like to quote Leviticus at us all the time....here is one from there :

Leviticus 19:18

King James Version (KJV)

 ¹⁸Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD.

OK...I'm off my soap box now and my normal sweet self will reappear tonight or tomorrow, but I had to share my thoughts on this.

Are you a love letter or a Dear John?

“I'm a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is sending a love letter to the world.”

― Mother Teresa

If you are God's pencil..... Do people run to or away from God after seeing what is written.

Are you helping to write a love letter or a "dear John " letter?

Think about it. Should be simple.... I'm pretty sure anyone that has found their way to my page believes in a God of love.

We and I do mean all of "we" get caught up in semantics and translations. There should be one word. LOVE No matter the language actions or examples. It should be love.

Or as Jesus would say Rakhma

Tada amen shalom that is all.

Hey! What's that in the manger??

 

 

Away in a manger,
No crib for His bed
The little Lord Jesus
Laid down His sweet head

How many of you have early childhood memories of church services on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?

Both of the churches I grew up in had Christmas Eve services centered on children. The first Christmas Eve service I remember my brother and I were selected to play Mary and Joseph. The cast of characters for this nativity were all very very young so the extent of the play was walking across the front of the church while the opening hymn was played.

We were shown the path for our little parade with just two rehearsals. During this time the "manger" had a doll and our job as Mary and Joseph was to walk to the manger, stand by it, while the rest of the cast filed by, then we were to return to our seats. No one told us the newest member of our congregation, a two month old baby, was going to be in the manger the night of Christmas Eve. Imagine our surprise when we stopped at the manger and little fists started waving.

What were our young, amazed souls supposed to do besides drop to our knees and start singing "Away in a Manger" to the top of our lungs! (to this day I have no clue what the original hymn was intended to be). Needless to say, the congregation and organist soon followed our lead and joined us in this innocent and pure hymn.

I remember as young as we were, both of us being in awe of the moment, and the beauty of the newborn baby, there were tears rolling down our cheeks.

As adults, how do we get back the innocence and joy of hope born again at Christmas?

 AWAY IN A MANGER BY CELTIC WOMEN

Santa...St Nicolas....God.....Gift Givers, One and All

Jolly ol' Saint Nicolas, lean your ear this way

Sometimes, I think, in our human frailty, we like things to be much more tangible and hands on than God and spirituality can be. While we can see God in nature, a loved one's smile, and many many other things, we often need something more concrete. Humans like to touch, hold, and hug.

This is where I think Santa plays an integral part in the spirituality , not just the commercialism, of Christmas. Personally, I don't find this a bad thing.

Is there truly anything wrong having Santa as a huggable form of an all loving God? Oh, yes, I know, the song says "he knows when you've been good or bad" but aren't we still allowed to tell him our secret heart felt wishes?

 

While I know wishes to Santa are often materialistic, and prayers to God are more spiritual in nature, they often both give us a way to express our hearts desires in ways we often won't allow ourselves to, to each other. 

On the flip side, Santa and gift giving, when not gone over the top crazy, gives us a chance to express the God spirit in each of us in the form of gift giver. Christmas/Santa allows us the joy of giving and receiving, that we often don't allow ourselves any other time of year. 

So go ahead, make a wish list to Santa, fulfill a loved one's Santa's wish, play secret Santa, and sing "Jolly Ol' Saint Nicolas" to the top of your lungs. Remember if done in the spirit of love and generosity there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of the above. 

Go ahead...I dare ya'....don your Santa hat, and your gift giver spirit, with no expectations, and I promise you, you will feel the spirit of Santa/St Nicholas/God warm your soul and heart. 

Here I am......right where I need to be

Earlier today I was talking about being called to serve God. I wanted to share a little about my personal journey of constantly learning, and learning and learning, just where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing. Sometimes its not easy. We all have our personal callings from God. But sometimes they may not be exactly what WE want or hope.

As a young kid, instead of playing house, my twin brother and I played church. Our playhouse outside was even a chapel with a mini pulpit, benches, and a home made cross. We took turns preaching, teaching Sunday School, leading hymns, saying prayers, and kneeling at the altar. Heaven help the pets and barnyard animals after we went to a revival and learned about full immersion baptism! Let me just say, no matter how much your pet duck loves you, they don't think much of going under the water backwards.

When most young girls dreamed and had fantasies of wedding gowns, veils, and diamond rings, my fantasies were robes, pulpits, and stoles. Bathrobes became church robes, any random scarf served as a stole, and being small, almost any upturned box was a perfect pulpit.

Growing up Methodist with a few Pentecostal cousins tossed in, was a perfect combination for us. We has Sundays with wonderful hymns, fun Sunday School, and once old enough, awesome sermons. Thrown into the mix were Pentecostal revivals with yelling, screaming, rolling in the aisles and even handling snakes. One Pentecostal minister cousin could not pass up the star quality of small, matching boy/girl twins whose twin-speech sounded much like speaking in tongues and interpreting all while handling matching snakes. For us, these revivals were better than carnivals or fairs. We were allowed to be ourselves and were actually not aware we were the center of attention or the star attractions.

After our parents divorce, we joined a Lutheran church. While the differences were dramatic to say the least, the changes came at the right time for us. The more formality and ritual was what was needed at church, when home life was total chaos. Going through confirmation, joining youth group, playing hand bells, being acolytes, and becoming readers, gave us much needed structure.

There was never any doubt in my mind when I became an adult, I was going to be one of the leaders of all of this beauty.

I took Latin in high school, attended every youth gathering, youth leadership event, and even became a youth representative on church counsel. Most everything I did in junior high and high school was to prepare myself for Lutheran college followed by seminary.

Imagine my great surprise and dismay when I found out after receiving my acceptance to my chosen college it took something more. Money. Money in the form of cash, scholarship, or financial aid, none of which I knew how to get or was prepared to apply for. This is where the public school system (not the church) let me down. In my public school, it was the gifted, chosen few who were taken quietly aside to workshops and taught to apply for the money needed for school. Since I flew under the radar most times, I was not included in this group. At that time (the 80's) it wasn't as easy as logging on a computer to figure all of this out. Also with my disabilities, many of the adults in the school system saw me as lazy and rebellious, but that's a story for another day.

Thankfully, because of family, extended family, and amazing people at my home church, there were enough gifts of money in graduation cards to pay for two years of community college. Even though I used this time to learn the roads and red tape of financial aid and scholarships, I also found out gays weren't exactly welcome in the ranks of pastor-hood. While fortunately, I was Lutheran, and not tossed out on my ear when I came out, I knew, for now, no matter how strong my desire, it was not my time for seminary or ordination.

I went on to complete several degrees including one in psychology and religious studies. I worked in several fields including food service, non profits organizations for HIV/AIDS, and family counseling. An interesting mix wouldn't you say?

From early on in college, I made a vow between God and me that I would always be out about my homosexuality AND my spirituality. As much as society and many people around me tried to make me chose, I refused to believe that the two were exclusive of each other. I never once doubted that both were gifts from God.

While working on my masters degree in psychology, I explored the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC), fell in love with it, and started seminary training. As a seminarian, I was even able to wear collar that I had always coveted. However, it didn't take me long at all to realize that this was not the place for me. I even tried again several years later as a lay pastor for MCC. All I can say is it was like beating a square peg into a round hole. This was not to be my home.

While it may seem obvious how God was able to use me to serve Her children while working in counseling and churches, it may not be so obvious that I also did this while working food service. However, I feel God has allowed me to touch more people in non religious settings than in more traditional "God" settings.

I've always been who I am, which is gay and Christian. Spiritual and queer. One of God's Rainbow Children. It was not unusual, while working at McDonald's for me to hear a soft voice on the other end of a drive thru headset asking me if I really thought God loved us even though we were gay.  I've had the opportunity to speak to many young people one on one that, quiet frankly, would never walk into an upper middle class white Lutheran church. Because I was at the right place at the right time, and open about who I am, God was able to speak through me to kids and young adults who, probably, would never feel safe or comfortable walking through a church door, even an MCC.

I know I am fulfilling God's call for me in ministry by being there for others in an unassuming way. For many, its easier to talk to a person in a McDonald's uniform or jeans and a hoodie with spiky hair and a lisp than the same person in cleric collar, robes, and a stole. So right now, my "pulpit" is my blog and my openness to those around me.

Don't get me wrong, I am as human as the next person and I long for and dream of the day a stole is placed upon my shoulders. There is no doubt in my mind that day will come. I may be fifty, I may be sixty...heck, I might be seventy-five, but it will happen and I will continue to prepare.

My dream stole

As most of you know, my blog that I share with you started as my final project for my Masters in the History of Religions with an emphasis in Christian Theology. My stepping stone to starting my Doctorate in Theology and Ethics.

I can't tell you how much I treasure each of you helping me on this journey by reading, commenting, and talking to me about my thoughts and my blog. When you share your thoughts, you help open my heart, mind, and soul further. Thank you for helping me grow.

So what does this have to do with everyone having a calling from God? Its about finding your passion, following your passion, and always finding a path, not an end, when you come to a fork in the road.

Hopefully some of you are willing to share with me your passions and calling. I know from personal experience many of you out there share the love of God in each of your own ways.

 HERE I AM, LORD

 This video is mine from a short while back (notice the darker hair). Most of the pictures are mine. The video was made when I intended to apply for seminary rather than UVA grad school. A few things may have changed, but the ideals and emotions of the journey are still the same.

Ring-a-ding.........Hi! Is (fill in the blank) there? Its me....GOD. Want a job? :)

How do you know if you are called by God?

Its pretty simple. We all are. Its just a matter of what we are called to do and are we willing to do it?

Writing this particular blog has been in my head for the last couple of days. I almost didn't write it last night and was even going to skip over it for a week or two because of a "discussion" among several friends on facebook about how to listen to God. That if we just listen just right we will find in the scripture what  God wants us to do. To me it seemed like what they were talking about was not even listening, it was just picking the right scripture to match their choice, scriptures that said hey its OK to do what they wanted to do any way. I didn't wight last night cause I lost focus of where to go with this. Then this morning I decided to go for it because, as normal for me, my view, take, and angle is slightly different then lots of others.

I'm not so much talking about what God wants you to do at any given particular moment. I'm not talking about the "WWJD" moments on bracelets every where. I'm talking about the fact that you already are a good person. You know how to be a good person, and you want that to be in your life. You want to live the life that God would be proud of, and that you don't have to be a bible thumper or wear a special t-shirt for people to know. 

I'm talking about the BIG "what do you do with your life from day to day" type of being called by God.

I hate when people say "I'm just a....burger flipper/car mechanic/dog groomer/......I just....I just.....I just!"
For starters, anything you do, to the best of your ability and with passion shows the glory of God. In fact, that's a lot of what most monks and nuns do. (notice I said MONKS and nuns, not priests). I apologize that I don't recall which particular branches, but I wanted to get this written. I'll do some more research soon and let you know. That IS what they are about. Glorifying God through a job well done.

Sometimes God's calling is our passion.....Thats why we're so good at it!

Maybe you are a landscaper because your job is to make that hill on the side of the road so beautiful, at least one person a day passes it and thinks wow.....God makes beautiful grass. How about when some one out there shovels city walks and an older couple walk arm in arm down the side walk and and the end the husband is so thankful that you didn't miss a spot, that he says a little prayer to God in thanks because his wife didn't fall and he just doesn't know what he would do if she got hurt.

Ok so maybe you clean out kitty kennels every day. Stinky nasty smelly kitty kennels. But one day a young family with a little girl, who needs a special friend so bad, comes to visit the kennels. Mom says over and over "I refuse to have a smelly kitty in my house!" Because you....yes YOU, worked so hard every day on cleaning those kennels, mom didn't smell a single scent of dirty cat, the little girl was able to cheerfully pick out her new friend.

The next time you are busy cleaning hotel rooms, scooping ice cream, busing tables, picking up garbage on the side of the road, try to keep God in your heart and remember, how what you are doing, might make another one of God's children's day just a little brighter.

There are so many ways in our day to day life and in our work life we can glorify God. The secret? We don't always get thanked in ways we hear. Often the thanks goes to God. Honestly? How cool is that????

PART 2 SHARING MY PERSONAL STRUGGLE COMING TONIGHT!!!!!!

God loves me, God loves me not.

Tonight, I'm writing from a place that is truly heart painful. I feel I am one of the very fortunate souls that, (except for during about 2 seconds of my life when I doubted God existence),  have never EVER doubted God's love for me. I have always felt God's love soulfully, emotionally, and physically. Therefore, it honestly pains me, when anyone, especially someone I really care about, feels they are not good enough to DESERVE God's love. Deserve?? God's love is a GIFT. I believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that because you ARE, you are loved. PERIOD.

Since I've started my blog a lot of comments both public and private have led me to believe many people feel left out of God's love.

All people tend to see if this HUGE rule book. Do this. Do that. Do it my way and my way only. And then and only then will God love you.

Every religion seems to have some sort of rule book. Every one says their interpretation of the rule book is the one and only literal word of God. My question is, how can so many different interpretations literally be literally correct? The whole thing makes my head hurt.

I've seen love, joy, and God's grace on the "face" of each of you (since some of you I know in person and some only on Facebook). Everyone here has taken the time and energy to read and interact in some way. To me that interaction is God's grace and love.

How can we look upon each others face, a sunrise or sunset, or any other of God's creations and doubt for one millisecond that God loves each of us?

For me, the miracle of Advent/Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Winter Solstice/Yule and even Festivus, is the re-centering of our spirituality and souls while celebrating any of these seasons.

 What reason could there be for God not to love you?

Pon & Zi by Jeff Thomas

Stop living your life as if you are waiting for God to love you. Start living your life as if you believe you are loved. If you act on that belief long enough and hard enough, soon you will believe and know you are loved.

Face of Love by Jewel

"Face Of Love"

until tonight
my heart was just half full
i'd never known the fruit which fed the soul
but now i see what may put to rest my longing
for i have seen, the face of love
the grace of god, the face of love
in silence i feared my heart
would remain words unheard
inside a separateness of skin
but now i know that the skin just veils the soul
for i have seen, the face of love
the grace of god, the face of love
so take my hand and knowing
with it i also give my heart
wanting never to be separate again
let eternity begin
if you were flame
i'd allow myself to be consumed completely
were you wind i would wish you pass through me
but now i know that the skin just veils the soul
for i have seen, the face of love
the grace of god, the face of love