Autism Fire

Sleep sleep sleep

I miss you sleep

the comfort of 

peaceful sleep

Autism stress stress autism

aches aches = autism?

I don't know

need peaceful sleep

dreamland nightmare land

rest stress

one both

need peaceful sleep

stress i can deal

autism i can deal

together no no no

it's like a burning fire

autism emotions 

go to joints

fire ants eat and chew

burn a fire

autism mind

busy spin

think see

feel seek

stress emotions

brain burns

heart hurts

heart races

No sleep for me

no sleep for me

joints burn

brain thinks of many many

how much is this

how much is that

i want to eat i want to hear

just to sleep to rest

how much is this

how much is that

take care of home and pets

just to sleep to rest

restless restless

legs move

body follows

brain takes own path

am I with myself?

I wander I move

I seek I search

Teddy follows

sometimes my head in autism

autism spins thinks seeks

wanders searches

takes my body

Never alone

in the day a wubby/family

in the night if wubby sleep

a doggie Teddy

God/dess sent Teddy

angel Charlie sent Teddy

always safe never alone

if more then Teddy, Teddy get wubby

Chaos chaos chaos

autism and stress...stress and autism

combination chaotic

mess mess mess

Autism Carrie wants to

spin flap stim spin flap stim

stress Carrie needs to

take control present control

Where to go

how to deal

if only I could sleep

peaceful sleep 

Then maybe tomorrow

ah tomorrow after peaceful sleep

maybe then

release relief relief release

Autism a known part of me

familiar almost comfortable

when your symptoms visit

i know how to deal

Stress dreaded stress

how i try to avoid

mix you with my autism

and in comes chaos

I hope I pray I plead for sleep

release of symptoms

from both

maybe then my brain is mine

Life with Carrie Lynn....by Jamie aka "Wubby"

I love how in her poetry Carrie is somehow able to give just a taste of her autistic brain. When I first found out she was autistic/aspergers, I honestly did not know what it meant, but I knew that spark was growing, so I figured I would learn and deal with it. I quickly learned that dealing with an autistic spouse was a lesson in patience, but also a daily miracle forming right in front of my eyes.

Carrie Lynn is a woman of great contrasts. Serious and playful, a genius and child, innocent and experienced, brilliant and simple. Embracing her autism and allowing herself to flap, flip, spin, and stim brought out creativity, happiness, and absolute joy. She was meta-morphing into a vibrant woman and nothing seem to stop her. The chains of her past, breaking.

Her hearing loss, although life long, had not stopped her. She could read lips, fill in the blanks. Her social interaction classes, observation, and lots of practice allowed her to interact so well, people did not realize that she had only 30 percent hearing at best. Then she lost that.

Put stress on an neuro-normal person and its bad. Put it on an autistic person and the emotions become physical pain, the thoughts become explosions, and millions of tiny pin pricks attack like an all encompassing war on the mind, body and soul. And no one gets it.

So she lays awake....and she wanders around the house....and she gets in the tub to stop the pin pricks, and she comes back and hopes that if she lays near me, Teddy, and Ruby, the wandering will cease. The pain will settle, and her mind will slow down. And she waits.