Don't wait till tomorrow LIVE starting now

 

 

29 FEBRUARY
It's a Leap Year and
today is the extra day
we get in 2012. The
perfect day to give
up procrastination.
Whatever you've been
putting off, do it now.

 

 

 

Procrastination can be little things are big things. It can be as simple as not doing laundry or as big as not telling some one you love them or following your faith.

We procrastinate for many reasons.... we feel like it makes life easier, we feel like it saves peoples feelings, we are scared, sometimes we are just plain lazy. Is it every really a good thing to procrastinate? (no I'm not talking about saving house work for tomorrow when you have an unexpected spring day)

Can procrastination be a hurtful thing? I really believe so. For example "I'll help the needy after my next raise."  So who helps now? I'll visit so and so and tell them I love them next week end. What if next week end doesn't come?

 

What about church, circle, temple, mass, prayer meditation??? God/dess knows what we thing as we think it, but our hearts and soul need it. Work on Sunday.... try a devotional book with your self and/or a loved one. No time to meditate....chat with God/dess when you each lunch, walk to the car...the 2 minutes you sneak for face book in the middle of the day. The time is there, is the desire?

My new "un" procrastination today? I started walking again. Walking is a peaceful time for me. Its good for my body and soul. I either share it with Jamie, a good friend, Teddy, or often just chat with God/dess. I hope to get this habit back, even if it is just during my lunch time most days. These times are when I am must able to open myself up to God/dess's plans for me. She may speak them to my heart, she may speak through a friend, she may even speak through a song if I have head phones on. Some time nature calls and allows me to meditate.The possibilities are endless and I miss out when I procrastinate and don't but on my running/walking shoes

Do you have things you procrastinate that you would be better off if you didn't? I never bring politics up here, but are you educating yourself so you can vote this winter using your moral ethics and beliefs?  What happens if we don't?

First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out--
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists
and I did not speak out--
because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out--
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me--
and there was no one left to speak out for me.

 

 

This poem is taken from Pastor Martin Niemoller's actual address to the U.S. Congress in

1968.  I'm not putting words in his mouth but he had much regret and remorse for not acting. It also sows procrastination. What if he and millions of others didn't wait until it was "them and theirs" be persecuted. What if the people who saw wrong had to have the strength to stand up in the beginning? Would things be different? Are we making a difference by NOT procrastinating and standing up now?

Life is to be lived it is not a holding pattern.Life is to be lived. Go live, go make the world safe....stop procrastinating. LIVE, our lives are a gift from our God/dess, its rude not to enjoy a gift.

Amen, Blessed Be, Shalom

1 MARCH
Give up at least one
of your prejudices.
Don’t have any?
Think again.

Compromise, the great equalizer

28 FEBRUARY
Give up the television
remote. Let someone
else control it. You
know who you are
and if this suggestion
is for you.

Today's suggestion is pretty simple. Notice I said simple not easy. Giving up CONTROL is rarely easy.
My partner Jamie and I talked about this one a lot the last few days. Mainly because we are broke and don't have cable so no one is in control of the TV remote. So this is one we had to give some extra thought to

So we used the time to talk about other controls we have in our house. Driving and leaving the house is a big one.....she gets control over that....I can't drive because of seizure history and also she has trouble with panic so just walking out thedoor is never easy for her. Is it frustrating for me? You bet, is it about emotional control, never! Is it fair? In our family it is, I understand her need.

Food!!!! There is a major control issue in our house. J things cheap cheap cheap!!! I think if its so cheap we don't eat it and end up buying something else its a waste. o`is a control issue. I have major issues about what I will eat because of my autism. Texture and smell that is what it is all about. Taste comes far down the list.for me and for many on the spectrum. She has lactose and ciliac problems so we make choices based on that. Then of course ad in her panic, I like to go in and sit and have refilled ice tea, she likes to eat in the car on the go, which stresses me. I don't have my routine of organizing my food and drink, and for some one that doesn't  have ASD (autism spectrum disorder) or loves one of us this sounds silly, but it is so far from silly.

Sigh, after a year we are still working on compromise on this!! But that is the key, we work on it, we learn and we compromise. Somethings are more important to one or the other so they get more "wins" in that category, but the other gets more wins in another. Give and take and LEARN!!!

These are just a few things we deal with, and yes we may have more because of her panic and my autism, but it is so worth it. Our life is beautiful and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

 “Compromise, if not the spice of life, is its solidity. It is what makes nations great and marriages happy.”

So Mote it be   "So mote it be" is near equivocal expression to the Judeo-Christian "Amen", though "So Mote It Be" doesn't mean "Amen." The phrase used by some Wiccans means "As I will it, so it shall be"
 While this is not so much a compromise quote the sentiment seems to me to be a good one after a long discussion of compromise with a couple or group.

Peace in ourselves, peace in the world.

- Thich Nhat Hanh

 

The Bible 1 Corinthians 

One idea that J and I discussed while talking about compromise is religion and most specifically Jesus. It seems many people want to put a name brand on Jesus and the bible, a patent if you will like Nike.

Do you think Jesus and God/dess by what ever name or faith you use is a one size fits all?

One of my goals to strive for in the next few weeks of Lent,  while I may disagree, is to listen to people talk about their faith in different ways then I believe,  particularly the more conservative. Will I learn something from them? I don't now. Will I learn something that will make my faith stronger? Maybe..... my hope is not to change me or some one else but to ad to mine and to their faith.

Blessed Be

For tomorrow:

29 FEBRUARY
It's a Leap Year and
today is the extra day
we get in 2012. The
perfect day to give
up procrastination.
Whatever you've been
putting off, do it now.

The Road Less Troubled (or what big teeth they have granny)

27 FEBRUARY
Think of someone
you need to thank
and write them an
old-fashioned thank you
note. Even if it’s
just to say “thank you
for being you.”

I love this calender for Lent. It is making me more and more comfortable with  the journey and the process. maybe I should tell the people over at UCC thank you for it. :)

The idea of saying thank you to some one during a time of repentance is interesting to me. They at first seem to not make a great "mash up" at all.  Then I started thinking of all the amazing people in my life who have made me ME and kept me on a good path or at least taught me options away from the bad paths. 

In no way, shape, or form am I perfect, but I do the best I can and because of these people I feel I have at least a little less to repent. I also know while I am not perfect, I am beloved of my parent, God/dess and I am on the path chosen for me. 

While I have many many many to thank, my earliest role model was my Granny. She not only taught us right from wrong, she taught us to be open to be feeling love differently.  I honestly believe she gave us the firm foundation and the security of the love of God/dess and comfort in our own skin. 

So thank you to everyone who has helped make me ME. Most of all, my Granny. 

(Please be patient, this was one of the very first videos I did over a year ago. There are a few mistakes and typos, but the sentiment has only gotten deeper.)

FYI I did write the physical old fashioned thank you note, but that's a little more on the personal side.

OK guys. One of these days I really am going to get you to share. Question of the night....anyone have something and/or someone they are thankful for that has kept them on the good path?

Tomorrow's Lenten Idea:

28 FEBRUARY
Give up the television
remote. Let someone
else control it. You
know who you are
and if this suggestion
is for you.

The sound of MIRACLES

26 FEBRUARY
Sundays are actually
"in" Lent but not "of"
Lent. Sundays aren't
counted in the 40 days
because Sunday is
always a "little Easter."
Try shouting for joy
somewhere, sometime
today because it’s a
"little Easter."

Most of you know Jamie and I have not found a church home per say, however, we celebrate God/dess and our Higher Power by being out in Nature.

As the calender quote from above says every Sunday is a "little Easter", what better way to honor and celebrate it then giving in to our spring fever and heading off to be with Mother Earth.

Today was particularly exciting for me because this was my first venture in Nature with my "new ears". I've had hearing loss since birth and these are the first new ears to really work. I was very excited to hear the voice of God/dess with my ears and not just with my heart.

I often explore the world with what many call a child-like wonder. Today seemed even more so.

In a nutshell here is my "poetic" recap of the sounds of the day.

quack quack REALLY goes the duck

chitter chatter squeak squeak the squirrel says "Come on! Come on!"

tinkle and a splish splish says the tiny water fall

scuff scuff scuff.. Hey now I know how everyone else knows to move over when a runner comes from behind

crackle pop crackle the ice is melting in the sun

roar whoosh splash the waterfall calls

blurb thump blurb thump I heard the helicopter WAY up there

wickie tweet tweet wickie wickie the robins talk across the way

bubble burble shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the waterfall joins the creek

 

my heart swells with the sounds and love of God/dess

God/dess gives each of us many miracles every day. Science, nature, technology, and love to name a few. Just open up your soul and LISTEN they are all around!

Amen

To give up or give......

I have to admit....I'm a little over-whelmed by writing tonight. There is a storm out that cause my autism to show its "agitated and flappy symptoms" that I can normally control. But hey its better then it use to be, I normally would wandering the house a lost soul in the storm...but tonight I have Teddy to love on, friends to text/message  and I'm a  lot calmer.

The other thing is Lent. I'm really not sure what to do with Lent. It's a time of repentance and and renewal. For me however, I don't feel any renewal or hope really in the spiritual sense until Easter, even on Sundays which are days of celebration even during Lent.

It's odd, you would think as I got older and more educated it would all make sense or I would find a path or something. But I get more confused.

The more I study the more I follow the way of the mystic OR early Christians.....the way of heart and love. The LIFE and teachings of Christ...the prophet and Mystic that he was....not JUST the cross.

I'll be honest it scares me how much the "right" concentrates on that instead of life...on end times instead of making heaven here on earth.

I earn more about earth religions which do NOT pull me away from Christ but lead me to his  teachings  yet it sees to push pull me away from "church". A conundrum no??

I'm actually going to  leave you early tonight with a continuation tomorrow because the storm keeps knocking out my internet...sooooo I will leave you with 2 links.

One is my blog on my partners blog spot from last here and my thoughts on Lent and one of my favorite stories of my child hood and it happens to include Lent.

Last year's Lent blog on WhisperCreek

Forgive many of the typos in that story  an emotional time and a heavy seizure med time, but very very heart felt.

And then this calendar I thin is way awesome. It is by the United Church of Christ. Instead of the blanket give something up or make a big change,  but to take it day by day... small changes but honest ones.

Awesome UCC Lent Calender

The link and PDF may take awhile  but it is worth it!!!


FYI a dear friend mentor of mind just kinda compared Lent to spiritual spring cleaning....what do you think?? I really like that, until about an hour ago Lent was honestly making my heart scared. Remembering the story on the link and this comparison is helping me make peace.

Peace and shalom my friends.

Carrie

PS  as always, share thoughts and follow my links!!
OK...peace shalome and much love

What's Your Shoe Size???

We've all heard the expression in some form or another to walk a mile in another's shoes.  Can this truly be done?? How do you do this?

Sympathy:
Feel sorry for; Feel pity for; Feel bad for

Empathy:
 Identifying with or experiencing vicariously another's thought, feeling, or attitude. To feel their pain.

while others have starved

i've been hungry

I've never been without at least 2 quarters for a pack of Ramen noodles or family/friends to feed me.

while others have died of dehydration

i have been thirsty

I've had running water, access to water fountains, and even clean, running streams.

while others have frozen to death

i have been cold

I've had access to warm homes, received gifts of blankets and clothing. 

Many of our religious/spiritual/moral/ethics/values tell us to have not only sympathy, but empathy. We are taught the ideal of putting ourselves in another's place. How many of us can truly do this? 

For me right now, I'm on several journeys at the same time. My educational journey is going hand in hand with my spiritual journey. My work journey is teaching me patience, compassion, persistence, and learning to think in others terminology. My new friendships are teaching me different cultures, different values, and different ways of living life. My personal relationship is teaching me communication, how to let someone else be strong sometimes, give and take, and a whole new way of family interaction. 

This is all just the last year and a half of my life. I'm living my early forties and I'm just now truly understanding sympathy is not always enough. However, how do we really learn empathy for someone living a completely different life? How do we have empathy when we are on the autism spectrum for someone who is neuro-typical and visa-versa? Can a person who is grounded in their spirituality have empathy for someone with no spirituality? Can a person of no faith have empathy for a person of faith? 

Tonight I offer little in the way of answers or guidance, tonight I am asking the questions. 

How do YOU walk in someone else's shoes?

 

Are you different enough to fly, strong enough to fall and get up running??

Many of us are here together on this blog and the pages I post on because we are "different". Most of us have a list of things that make us feel different. Lately because I'm learning to feel safe in my own skin, I've come to realize my differences are actually a gift.

They allow me to see the world from a different view. Not better or worse, but different.

 I realize some in the autistic community don't like the puzzle piece symbol. I embrace it, not because I'm a puzzle to figure out, but because my personal piece of the puzzle helps build the world. Yours does as well. With out all the piece WE are not whole. We, each of us, are a piece of the puzzle.

I love that I have friends here of different cultures, races, abilities, genders, .............. from you I learn and grow.

My question tonight is that if there is strength in numbers , can we take all of our differences, use them together and make a better world? Simple or crazy idea???

While I'm not Catholic its hard to ignore the Catholic history when studying the history of Christianity. I love reading about the Saints and their parts in history.... we that are not Catholic know some of at lest a few....St. Nicholas. Saint Valentine,   and Saint Patrick. All the saints have one thing in common....the were different and embraced it. Other religions have similar people such as prophets.

I keep being drawn to a Saint name Bernadette. A simple but faithful girl full of love for God, Jesus, her family, Mary, and her village.   She had visions in the same area and believed Mary spoke to her. Her village split between finding her crazy, or  , special enough to be singled out. Eventually she was drawn and or pushed to a monastic life were the "church" could control what she spoke of her visions. She used this time, even though sickly herself to nurse and heal many. She was ridiculed by many even though she saved the village. Mary gave her directions in a vision of where to dig to find a stream. Not only did the village need water, but also became known to heal, which made the village a destination and they received many tokens of thanks and became fairy wealthy. Yet, Bernadette was kept controlled or better said bullied by the church. Much of what she saw, she was never allowed to share with the public.

OK enough about a saint that I'm sure most of you care little about, my point being she was DIFFERENT and never caved in.  Can we each be that strong? Make that difference? Truly believe different is good and a gift?

If I have a special saint I like to look at her as mine.

PATRON SAINT OF: Bodily ills, illness, Lourdes France, people ridiculed , shepherdesses, shepherds, sick people, sickness 

The video is part of a project I worked on last year on women of faith. Yes most are "Christian" but most saw the world totally different, or in the case of  Mary Madeleine standing by Jesus side as spouse, the artist saw things very different and still had the strength to share.

Maybe some of you can suggest people of faith to me to study , or you would like to share their story, that saw the world different and stood up for how they say it no matter what. Or maybe you want to share a story of how you see things a little differently.



 

In the Glow of love... Sleep Sweet

Matt 18:20 

Where ever two or three of you are gathered together, there is Love

Pagan/Wiccan Wedding blessing

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the East. Communication of the heart, mind, and body Fresh beginnings with the rising of each Sun. The knowledge of the growth found in the sharing of silences.

(I love this and we may us it in part for our wedding because it has so much of what we are to each other)

Hand-fasting

Goddess, bless these hands that you see before you this day. May they always be held by one another. Give them the strength to hold on during the storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. Keep them tender and gentle as they nurture each other in their wondrous love. Help these hands to continue building a relationship founded in your grace, rich in caring, and devoted in reaching for your perfection. May [ name] and [ name] see their four hands as healer, protector, shelter and guide. We ask this in your name, Amen.

AGAPE LOVE

 Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē) means "love" (unconditional love) in modern day Greek, such as in the term s'agapo (Σ'αγαπώ), which means "I love you". In Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper sense of "true love" rather than the attraction suggested by "eros".

Heart and Mind

 RAKHMA LOVE

'Rakhma' is how you say Love. It is the Aramaic used when Christ said 'Love thy neighbor.' But, it's not just Love in the modern English sense. It is unconditional, of no boundaries. 

 Sappho

‘Stand up and look at me, face to face’

Stand up and look at me, face to face

My friend,

Unloose the beauty of your eyes.....

Mother Gaia

 Standing under a blanket

 Now you will feel no rain,
For each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
For each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no more loneliness,
For each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two bodies,
But there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place
To enter into the days of your togetherness
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

.

 MO ANAM CARA "My Soul Friend"
pronounced Muh Onum Kara

Celtic term means "My Soul Friend"

In Celtic spiritual tradition, it is believed that the soul radiates all about the physical body what some refer to as an aura. When you connect with another person and become completely open and trusting with that individual, your two souls begin to flow together.

Should such a deep bond be formed, it is said you have found your "Anam Cara" or soul friend.

Your "Anam Cara" always accepts you as you truly are, holding you in beauty and light. In order to appreciate your relationship, you must first recognize your own inner light and beauty. This is not always easy to do. The Celts believed that forming an "Anam Cara" friendship would help you to awaken your awareness of your own nature and experience the joys of others.

 The LOVE my partner and I share is what you most often think of as Valentine love!!! My soul mate, my anam cara, my love!

Friendship

I have many kind of friends all close to my heart. One special ritual a special friend and I have made almost by accident when I was having so much trouble sleeping.

She text me

"sleep sweet"

As a spray the bed and room in lavender

For those who may have thought I was knocking love or Valentines Day. No way No how!! I just want to remind people there are so many different kinds of love. Many colors, shapes, sizes and names.

I also want to repeat the message of "reach out". In our celebration of love, the forgotten and hurt are even more forgotten and hurt.

Don't let fear, disabilities, differences, distance, or others get in the way of LOVE.

REACH OUT and LOVE one another..... as it is said... the greatest of these is LOVE!

Sleep Sweet!

Happy Valentines Day Bullies!

LET"S CHANGE THE WORLD!!!

to suit the bullies

LET'S MAKE THINGS BETTER!!!

for those same bullies

LET'S MAKE A DRESS CODE!!!

to match the bullies

LET'S ENCOURAGE CHANGE!!!

to emulate the bullies

LIFE IS SO HARD FOR THEM!!!

poor poor bullies

WE HAVE TO BE MORE UNDERSTANDING!!!

to those poor bullies

How many of you have been bullied? Really truly bullied? I'm not talking about the "persecution" some feel when REQUIRED public activities (such as Christian verbal prayer) are taken away. I'm not talking about a slight shift in friendships where you pick a new friend to sit with at lunch. I'm talking about having no one to sit with at lunch. I'm talking about having your speech, clothes, smell, walk, looks, shoes, beliefs, family, choices, likes/dislikes, hair, height, weight, color, race, culture, education, parents job, your job, lack of beliefs, friends/lack of friends, shyness,  income,  gender,  androgyny, fashion sense,  bending of gender "normality", willingness to speak out, to help the small, to touch the sick, to help the old/young, saving animals, poetry, paintings, writing, need for medication, need to "spin", EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING judged all of the time.

Have you truly been scared to go to work, school, even church...maybe not just for the fear of your physical safety but also the safety of your emotions heart and soul. Have you cried yourself to sleep?  Wished yourself dead or just that you could "stop" being part of the word for awhile? Wished the school, work,church...would all blow up even if your not a violent person??

Why am I writing about this as my Valentines post? Because I've been thinking a lot about love with all of the Valentine's post around. I think about how I'm stronger because of the love of my partner soon to be wife. I think about the sacrifices true believers in peace make. My pastor posted about the sacrifices and martyrdom that the original (saint) Valentine made in the name of Christ/Love. I'm thinking about the post I'm reading on projects for you to do with your kiddos for school parties for Valentines day.

I don't know about you, but in that last paragraph about a day that is suppose to be about love I see, mmm I don't now, about a zillion chances for bullying. For example "love of my partner" ... yep I'm gay! "Sacrifices true believers in peace make"... to struggle for peace when the world fights for battle is to be bullied daily. Saint Valentine...gave up his life...for what? For sharing the LOVE OF CHRIST by ministering to the poor aaannnnddd wait for it.... marriage equality. YUP.... now I'm not implying he ever married a same sex couple, but he performed marriages for Christians when it was illegal. (Thanks for that tid bit of info Pastor Pink). Sigh and those that know me know how I feel about the school Valentine parties . Even if you were not the kid that was left out, even if you gave "even the smelly kid no one liked" a valentine (which in a way is a little sad that the poor kid is remembered that way and the person is PROUD to have given him a valentine)....it happens every class, every year (unless the teacher is amazing) some one is left out....take it from a kid who burst from the bus in tears after every valentine party till thankfully they stopped when junior high school arrived with its own set of horrors.

what does Jesus say about bullies? 

ANYONE WHO CLAIMS TO BE IN THE LIGHT BUT HATES ANOTHER IS STILL IN DARKNESS

what does Buddha say about bullies?

YOU WILL NOT BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR ANGER, BUT BY YOUR ANGER

what does the Dalai Lama say about bullies?

HATRED IS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS

what does Mahatma Gandhi say about bullies?

HAD VIOLENCE RULED, WE WOULD HAVE BEEN EXTINCT LONG AGO

what did Martin Luther King Jr say about bullies?

I DECIDED ON LOVE. HATE IS TOO GREAT A BURDEN TO BEAR

what did Indira Gandhi say about bullies?

YOU CANNOT SHAKE HANDS WITH A CLINCHED FIST

What I'm trying to share is that while many people are excited about Valentines day, many are hurt even more on this day. To not fit in, to be picked of teased and bullied on any given day is hard and torturous, but on a day dedicated to love it is nothing but pure pain.

We need to teach children that life is not about developing a tougher skin it's about developing a softer heart. We need to remember that even if things get better, for some they suck right now. Even as adults it is always possible to do something as simple as smiling and saying hello or have a good day to those you come in contact with. Help a co-worker. Mentally walk a mile in some one else's shoes. Get to know the shy co-worker or school mate...maybe they really are shy and not the snob some think they are. Bottom line reach out!!

Most faith have a base in love, respect, kindness and out reach. Where and how have so many of us lost our way?

Let's start to day and prove the doubters, the ones that think so many people of faith are conservative haters, wrong. Let's walk in the footsteps of the great ones before us and be an example of LOVE not hate. Do you want to see the martyrs of your faith die in vain?

In honor of Saint Valentine and all the martyrs of love lets start this Valentines day honoring love.

                                      The L Project "It Does Get Better" Signed and Sub-Titled

This is an amazing group of people that did an amazing "It get's better project". It is 8 minutes long but please watch it to the end for many reasons. Yes much of it is geared towards the LGBTQ community, but I think most of my readers know these feelings of being bullied, str8 queer or  ..........

Rakhma, Shalom, and blessing to all,
Carrie Lynn

The Road Grows Steeper

For those of you who have been following my recent journey of ear pain, to ear surgery, to special hearing aids, I thought I would give you an update.

The surgery that was supposed to be a two-day to two-week recovery, has been more like a month. While my ear pain is mostly gone (finally!), there are still a few twinges. Several post surgical ear infections caused a delay in recovery and also my return to work. (Not to mention, the pull on my spirits). This Tuesday, I am finally returning to work. Yay!

The lack of income for a total of about 6 weeks pre and post surgery, has been terrifying to our finances. We are blessed to have several friends and family who've purchased us food, gas, and animal food. Also, we've received help with some of the pre-payments, we are thankful and blessed.

Back before the surgery, I wrote a blog about my fears of the surgery and finances. We've received prayers, blessings, encouragement, and many warm thoughts. Not to mention a few donations along the way. Without all the emotional support I'm not sure where I would be with this journey having taken several unexpected turns. Thank you dear friends.

However, not only has my recovery journey been longer, we also found out our fears were true and I recovered no hearing. The hearing aids we were expecting to cost between $5000-6000 are now going to cost around $8000 to restore my hearing from a 90+ percent loss which is considerably more than what we originally thought we were dealing with.

As an autistic adult with sensory hypersensitivity, I must admit its a little tempting to keep this extra damper on my sensory input. (For those of you who are not aware, I have always had a severe hearing loss which I think has helped some of my other hypersensitivity). Being a mature adult, I realize there really isn't a middle ground. I have to be hearing by medical or mechanical means (special hearing aids) or I allow myself to be a deaf adult which is just a difficult of a journey.

As you have seen on the sides of my blog, we've been accepting donations through PayPal and if you check it out, we've recently added a couple of additional gifts with donations.

Just a reminder or for those new to the blog who haven't read my original blog "I want 2 hear what U hear", here's the link:

I want 2 hear what U hear


Thanks again for everything, most of all for being there for me.

Peace and Love....

Carrie Lynn

Hide & Seek with God & the Rules

i love God/dess

i praise God/dess

i worship God/dess

i celebrate God/dess

i read the bible

i read the torah

i read the koran

i read the books

rules rules rules

you give me all these rules

they hide God/dess

God/dess in the shadows

you say this

she says that

he says this

they say that

rules rules rules

my brain must follow rules

my heart loves God/dess

my soul loves God/dess

oh my God/dess

why do they give me rules

so many rules

how do i follow the rules?

his rules + her rules

do not  >equal< their rules

it is said we must follow rules

but which rules? ALL RULES

i try to follow your rules

i try to follow their rules

one God/dess

so many rules

so how do i follow these rules?

i'll show you

together we'll learn

lets study lets learn

read the books

all the books

study the rules

but LISTEN to God/dess

open our hearts and souls

listen to God/dess

God/dess loves us

loving God/dess is the rule

I've known since I was very young I AM called, not only in the ministry, but to be a pastor. Those of you who have been following my blog, know that as a child I played chapel rather than house. Yep, that's right, I even baptized a duck, not to mention a dog or two in my time.

For some reason, unknown to me, and that I often find heartbreaking, I've yet to find where I fit in to be an ordained pastor. Whether its my autism, my values, the way I was brought up, or just the way I am made, I firmly believe if you are part of an organization that has rules, you are supposed to follow them.

Oddly enough, I rarely question the rules in life except when it comes to organized religion. Coming from a lesbian who is denied many rights, including marrying her partner, in the secular world, this is saying a lot. I may study, question, and educate to try to prove homophobic hatred wrong in the political world, but when it comes to spirituality, my focus is, not to right-fight, but to help ALL find peace with a higher power.

I've explored several denominations as well as other religions and I find so much similarity except for in the fine print. Its amazing. And there you have it. The fine print. That's what gets you every time, isn't it? It seems in so many of today's religions in order to follow the rules, you have to be holier-than-someone and to condemn at least one group of people. How is this spiritual?

So my journey has recently restarted with a overwhelming sense of urgency. Through school, I'm studying theology and culture. Please note I said THEOLOGY, not Christian theology, even though Christianity is included. Personally, and through friends, I'm also exploring more naturalistic religions.

The point of this journey is to, not only find a place for myself, but for others who find it hard to break the rules, yet at the same time, to be a rule breaker.

Slowly, but surely, my journey is becoming more well rounded. Not only because of the books I'm lead to pick up, but because of each of you, your questions, comments, encouragement, and education. Thank you for joining me in this journey. I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see where this journey leads us.

Autism Fire

Sleep sleep sleep

I miss you sleep

the comfort of 

peaceful sleep

Autism stress stress autism

aches aches = autism?

I don't know

need peaceful sleep

dreamland nightmare land

rest stress

one both

need peaceful sleep

stress i can deal

autism i can deal

together no no no

it's like a burning fire

autism emotions 

go to joints

fire ants eat and chew

burn a fire

autism mind

busy spin

think see

feel seek

stress emotions

brain burns

heart hurts

heart races

No sleep for me

no sleep for me

joints burn

brain thinks of many many

how much is this

how much is that

i want to eat i want to hear

just to sleep to rest

how much is this

how much is that

take care of home and pets

just to sleep to rest

restless restless

legs move

body follows

brain takes own path

am I with myself?

I wander I move

I seek I search

Teddy follows

sometimes my head in autism

autism spins thinks seeks

wanders searches

takes my body

Never alone

in the day a wubby/family

in the night if wubby sleep

a doggie Teddy

God/dess sent Teddy

angel Charlie sent Teddy

always safe never alone

if more then Teddy, Teddy get wubby

Chaos chaos chaos

autism and stress...stress and autism

combination chaotic

mess mess mess

Autism Carrie wants to

spin flap stim spin flap stim

stress Carrie needs to

take control present control

Where to go

how to deal

if only I could sleep

peaceful sleep 

Then maybe tomorrow

ah tomorrow after peaceful sleep

maybe then

release relief relief release

Autism a known part of me

familiar almost comfortable

when your symptoms visit

i know how to deal

Stress dreaded stress

how i try to avoid

mix you with my autism

and in comes chaos

I hope I pray I plead for sleep

release of symptoms

from both

maybe then my brain is mine

Life with Carrie Lynn....by Jamie aka "Wubby"

I love how in her poetry Carrie is somehow able to give just a taste of her autistic brain. When I first found out she was autistic/aspergers, I honestly did not know what it meant, but I knew that spark was growing, so I figured I would learn and deal with it. I quickly learned that dealing with an autistic spouse was a lesson in patience, but also a daily miracle forming right in front of my eyes.

Carrie Lynn is a woman of great contrasts. Serious and playful, a genius and child, innocent and experienced, brilliant and simple. Embracing her autism and allowing herself to flap, flip, spin, and stim brought out creativity, happiness, and absolute joy. She was meta-morphing into a vibrant woman and nothing seem to stop her. The chains of her past, breaking.

Her hearing loss, although life long, had not stopped her. She could read lips, fill in the blanks. Her social interaction classes, observation, and lots of practice allowed her to interact so well, people did not realize that she had only 30 percent hearing at best. Then she lost that.

Put stress on an neuro-normal person and its bad. Put it on an autistic person and the emotions become physical pain, the thoughts become explosions, and millions of tiny pin pricks attack like an all encompassing war on the mind, body and soul. And no one gets it.

So she lays awake....and she wanders around the house....and she gets in the tub to stop the pin pricks, and she comes back and hopes that if she lays near me, Teddy, and Ruby, the wandering will cease. The pain will settle, and her mind will slow down. And she waits.

To Valentine or Not ? What about the Saint?

Remember those innocent days of elementary school? You made a box and all your classmates gave each other classmate a valentine?

As a teacher I'm not sure what I would do, I was always the kid the received the lest valentines and some were even mean notes. Of course you had a Valentine party to open these so there was no going home in order to save the shame.

I however am thinking back even a little earlier , kindergarten and first grade. Your parents followed the rules for you because they had the class list in hand and you needed to learn to scrawl those names.  Any way on to my real point....(not that I wouldn't like to hear your opinion on these so far) . I just sat down a Christian catalog to wrote this.(Give me a break I study  religion I need the books.)

They have those boxes of 20+ mini valentine for the whole class.My first thought was oh  for Christian schools or for some home school groups that  meet or maybe even Sunday church school.  Then I remember until my brother and I were old enough to realize this got us laughed at these are the ones we picked. where my mom and aunt bought church supplies. Yes we picked them. Yes we went to other stores like Rose's and had our choice but we picked these.  I think back now to several kids in my classes that these would not be appreciated by their families. How was int handled in their homes? Our family never gave it a second thought. I'm not saying my family did right or wrong, it was our choice and this is what we choose.


Today as adults  2 questions:
1: how would you handle it if your child asked for such a set?
2:what if your child came home with a Christin one?
3: what if they came home with one from another religion (far fetched I know since St Valentine is Christian)
4: should public  schools skip it all together??
It could be some thing as innocent as Veggie Tales.....I see these at Target and the grocery store....but most of us know their message is Christian.

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I've not said much in the way of opinion because I'm not really sure of mine and today I'm more interested in yours.

Let us know what you think!!! I hope we get discission today and tonight!

Wonder why no ones says (St.Valentine is the reason for the season?