I Want to Hear what you Hear

I mentioned earlier that I was in a very humble place. I'm getting surgery for my ears on Friday. The doctor has let me know there will be very little help if, any for the hearing, this is just for the pain. I'm Terrified. No other word then pure terror. Nightmares every night. Scared of the pain, being put under, scared it won't work, the cost....etc etc etc etc...Thank goodness God blessed me with a friend that is getting me over the line with the money for co-pay for the surgery!!! Yay friend! (love you)

I'm even more worried and stressed about the hearing aides in a month. I have almost NO hearing left..that's none !  They will be 5200! Scarey huh? That's for middle of the  road hearing aides for both hears.  This is the absolute lowest the doctors say will help. It is just enough power to get me by in my work environment that includes noisy dogs and answering the phone. The only extra is they are water proof so I can actually wear them to work. Pretty much the lowest I can get by with.

Hours of research and discussion with  several doctors and several audiologist has taught me that I need prescription aides. Not off the shelf or over the internet ones. Sadly because of the severity of my hearing, those non-perspiration ones will not work for me. I truly would like to be able to save the thousands of dollars.

I need help. I can not pay this and insurance will not pay much. Mostly enough to pay back co-pays from the surgery and such. This is one of the hardest things I've had to type...I'm use to being the provider, giver and helper. It's scary and unfamiliar for me.

Several friends have asked how they could help. I've prayed and meditated a lot about asking for help. The simplest best solution I've found and been led to, is a pay pal button on my blog . ( More at bottom of how this works.)
Love and peace,
Carrie
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Many of you have followed my struggle about surgery and the aides. I've been lost, I've been hurt, I've been overwhelmed. I've also been blessed with friends, help, words of encouragement, smiles, laughter, company on face book when in to much pain to sleep, understanding and love.

I've been learning some about labyrinth meditation. I've been doing a little with visualization and drawing. The poem doesn't totally represent the true path of labyrinth meditation,usually you work in and then back out,  but this shares what I've been feeling.

Circle slowly towards the center

Slowly.... slowly..... slowly

Find YOUR center

As you meditate towards the center

Pause and think

Thoughts turn to prayers

Prayers will be answered

Sometimes the answer is wait

Wait... wait.... wait

Hard frustrating scary

Many many tears shed

Tears drop, stream, roll

New turn in labyrinth  

My tears have turned to bawling

My heart is yearning

Yearning, bawling, bawling and yearning

Another new turn

The labyrinth still calls

Turn turn labyrinth turn

Can I go further, my soul starts to burn

The center awaits

The labyrinth calls stronger

Turn labyrinth, turn turn

I must go further, my soul grows stronger

Turn, question, answer, wait

Turn, questions, answer, wait

Turn turn beg, but still wait

turn yearn burn.........pray

Heart quickens, soul yearns

heart, soul, praise, praise

I turn, I turn, the center is closer

still I turn, still I yearn, still I question

Turn turn turn

Child, open your heart listen

Sometimes answer is within

Seek my child, ask and you may receive

The center nears

My tears calm

Will my prayers answer be yes or no

Will I find balance, will I find peace

The God's answer, the Goddesses will

Will my answer be theirs, will my desire be their will

turn turn turn
 seeking peace, balance, and comfort. 

 

 As I said before, this has been a major journey and many of you have given me the emotional strength I need to make it through.

I had to be reminded of several things....

Matthew 6:25-26

Good News Translation (GNT)

 ²⁵ This is why I tell you: do not be worried about the food and drink you need in order to stay alive, or about clothes for your body. After all, isn't life worth more than food? And isn't the body worth more than clothes?²⁶ Look at the birds: they do not plant seeds, gather a harvest and put it in barns; yet your Father in heaven takes care of them! Aren't you worth much more than birds?
Jesus

 If you're carrying more than you can handle today, choose to let some of it go by letting someone else in.
 Buddha

 The only way to get help is to ask, but sometimes we hold back because we're scared.
Buddha

Some times Buddha is annoyingly simple and right!!
You're my friends, you may not have the money to help, but how will I know if I don't ask. What have I lost?

 God helps them who helps themselves!

Who knows where this actually comes from , and yes I do have google. :)

Dear dear friends, thank you for listening and being part of this journey with me. If you can help, that is amazing, if not, believe me,  we know where you are coming from. But, first and fore most thank you for supporting me in so many ways.

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(From Jamie)  As many of you know, Carrie is also autistic (aspergers) and has asked me to provide donation details as she is getting a bit overwhelmed. The instructions are below. Please email us at t.paws@aol.com for any questions. 

TO DONATE:

Click on the PAYPAL Button on the right side of the screen on THIS blog. There you will be given an option to use your Paypal account to donate, OR if you do not have a Paypal account, click on "continue" by the Visa, Mastercard etc icons on the lower left hand corner. Follow the prompts to process your donation. 

Alternatively, if you have a Paypal account, you may go to Paypal, click "send money" and follow the prompts. Our paypal account is t.paws@aol.com.

If you would like to send a donation by snail mail, please email us for the address. 

*Important note...we are not a non profit and your gift is not tax deductible. Unless otherwise specified this is a gift, not a loan. We are very thankful for any amount you may be able to give and will be good stewards of your donation.