Dragon Spirit

 

Anyone can slay a dragon,

 but try waking up every morning & loving the world all over again. 

That's what takes a real hero. 

"Story People"

 

You guys now this has been a rough couple of months for me and mine. From surgery that healed poorly to money issues. From dealing with a bully to dealing with self-esteem issues. Life is not always easy . We want to save or be saved. We want black or white. That grey area is very scary for most off us. 

My issues, growing up the way I did and my autism makes me want solidity. Even being creative and having a great imagination.......I still crave order, things in a row, and to have some idea whats coming tomorrow.

I haven't written for a few days because I've had a dragon I've been trying to slay. Working myself up to slay it has made me feel an anger and a rage that I have not felt in years!!! Yes my autism gives me meltdowns still, and to some they look like anger and maybe rage. However its a surface and a mental thing.... you deal with the stimuli and the melt down calms. It never reaches heart and soul for me. 

This attempted dragon slaying had created a rage of heart and soul....of attitude, that was, well,creating a whole other dragon. That dragon was consuming me , or I was consuming it, or maybe I was becoming a dragon...but I was not me.I was NOT the Carrie people know and love....the calming, loving, peaceful Carrie. I was other.

Then something happened, my heart and soul remembered their way home. What was it? I'm not sure. A kind word? A spark of eye contact with a kindred spirit? Hurt in a loved ones eyes so strong it awoke me? Something some how reminded me of me. Bought me home to me.

Do I need to wake up every day and slay a dragon or save the world? No. In fact..... as crazy as it sounds what if we make friends with the dragon.  Learn to harness and share that power. Power doesn't have to be rage....power can come gently and kindly.

 

Grey does exist. As hard as it is for my autistic mind to find order in grey , there is a lot of wonder and beautiful life in the grey. In the grey we can live as one with the dragon finding both calm and power.

 

Having both you can wake in the morning and love the world. I missed you world. I love you and will love you again even more when I wake up.