There is a hole where my heart used to be because it fell out while running from scary things one night in a dream & it hurts all the time now & I have no clue know how to fix it & sometimes I think I don't even remember that it's gone.
As time went on and I made friends through here, instead of falling back on tradition scripture, holidays, and what every one else writes about, I decided to use this space as a place to be real, honest and to explore.
I used metaphors and some were negative....words such as bullies. They were used to express feeling about a lot going on in my life and environment at the time and never truly one person. "The bully" was a combination of hurt and feelings.
Today I found out that some people have used some of my words in very hurtful, not just to me, ways. I'm not sure if they wanted to hurt me...or thought they were protecting the other person they thought all the anger was directed at. Who knows maybe they even thought they were helping me. The fact is at lest two people including myself have been very very hurt.
Where to go from here? I'm not sure . Being autistic this was one place I felt safe to communicate my thoughts and beliefs when communicating true feelings is very very hard on the average person much less an autistic. To share spiritual thoughts not of main stream when you live in eastern TN is hard....and I feel like my safe space has been invaded.
I need to continue writing to keep my grade for school. I'm no sure how are where to go with it. If I go "clinic" pretty much like early on I let down a lot of people that read to learn how I think and as an adult person with strong spiritualism and happens to be autistic.
A few people took something that was honest and cleansing and turned it hurtful. I'm not sure how are up in twisting words and hurting people and even how many will be hurt.
My gut reaction is to run "in" internalize feelings, act the way we autistics do best until we melt down. What will I do? I'm not sure. I am taking a few days off to clear my head and think.
An it harm none do what ye will
Wiccan
Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Christian
"Love All, Hurt No One, Trust A Few"
Buddhism
"Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you.”
Islamic
Christian
"Love All, Hurt No One, Trust A Few"
Buddhism
"Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you.”
Islamic
No dragons did I slay tonight nor will I tomorrow...just hoping to wake in the morning and still love the world. That's what I do best and what I hope to do tomorrow and the next day and the next.
Shelama
4 comments:
I've only been reading a few days. I don't know much about autism but what I've read so far tells me what a very wise, very unique and very special person you are. I can feel it in your writing. Please know you have someone here in southwest Virginia who really cares about you guys. You both have inspired me and touched my heart. God love you.
Mike you don't know how much those words mean to night!!!! welcome aboard and keep reading I try to post most nights....just been a long couple of weeks!!! Welcome!! how did you find us???
Carrie
Oh dear... Mike, I could not have said it any better! Carrie is family to me along with J and all of the animals..I love you to the end of the earth girlie...I am always here for you no matter what!!! I really wish that we lived closer to one another and that there were things and people that you would not have to deal with, I love you and you will get through this with the same grace, persistence, dignity and awesomeness that you have when you go through all of the rough roads you have had to endure...<3
Thank you Carrie. I know how those long weeks can be. I came across Jamie's blogs and found yours also. I knew Jamie growing up and identify with many of her struggles. You're two courageous women and my heart goes out to you both. I look forward to reading more.
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