Forgiveness is tricky and scary business. It's not easily done and can takes years. However we are asked by our higher power to do this.
When I wrote a few nights ago about Monsters I think some people may have taken me a little wrong.
I'm by no means trying to imply forgiveness is easy or deserved. I'm not even sure we can all do it in all cases. The point I wanted to make is that not only should we do it because God ask it of us, not saying we should do it for the person being forgiven. We need to do it for ourselves.
One of the quotes I read is "holding a grudge , is like letting some one live rent free in your head". Yeah I know its cliche' and easy to say. But think about it.....do we REALLY want to give that person or incident that power over our whole lives? I compare it to letting a migraine hang out in my head with out taking medicine. My head is my head. I control it...well the best I can.
That anger can fester, grow and take up space where something good could grow. Some thing of beauty and worth rather then the "ick" that is taking up space. As long as we hold that grudge, we can't move on, we can't heal. and we can learn. The monster has won.
Sometimes the sickness, poison, nastiness and anger the monster left behind, can create other monsters. Do we want to be formed by the monster that hurt us?
Is it hard to move on and forgive? Heck yes...but what are the possibilities if we forgive? We have the chance to heal our selves and help others heal.
Do we forgive and forget? No, I don't think we should forget then we will not learn anything. Does the person forgiven escape justice?? Never!!! Should we let then control us for ever?? NO. We can forgive with out forgetting and still learn and grow. Yes its hard work. Yes we need God's help.
Those of us that pray often pray some form of "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us". It's hard to follow the amazing example Jesus set...but its amazing to try.
I love each and everyone of you that read this blog. I've received many private comments about not being able to forgive and it hurts me to see you hurt.
This is my hope that each of US can learn to forgive and to grow.
3 comments:
It's funny, I almost went on to talk about this in my comment to your last blog.
I will never forgive my attacker. Nope. I've talked to my amazing therapist about it a lot. I think I have to accept that it happened. I think part of me is still in denial in some ways. I have to acknowledge it and move on. I have to stop allowing him to control me (as you said, as well). These monsters have no right to take up our head space.
I do believe in forgiveness, however I am unsure I really know it's true meaning. Forgiveness, as God forgives us for our sins if we ask, mean He wipes them away like they never happened. I really am not sure that I do this when I forgive someone. I may say it and halfway mean it, but whatever they did to hurt me or anger me, is always somewhere inside me. I mean I love and forgive my husband but do I really forgive him? There is always a small portion of my brain or heart or what have you that really never lets it go.
I can say "yes, I forgive you" but honestly I am not sure if I really can. I may be able to, with time, overcome the hurt or anger and get past the event. I don't let it take over my life and it doesn't grow into a monster.
This reminds me of "an idol mind leaves room for the devil", or something like that. We only have so long in this world and we only have so many brain cells. Why use it worrying about all the bs others bring into our lives when we can think about good things and make our time here on earth MEAN something! Good blog!
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