Monday, November 28, 2011

God loves me, God loves me not.

Tonight, I'm writing from a place that is truly heart painful. I feel I am one of the very fortunate souls that, (except for during about 2 seconds of my life when I doubted God existence),  have never EVER doubted God's love for me. I have always felt God's love soulfully, emotionally, and physically. Therefore, it honestly pains me, when anyone, especially someone I really care about, feels they are not good enough to DESERVE God's love. Deserve?? God's love is a GIFT. I believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that because you ARE, you are loved. PERIOD.

Since I've started my blog a lot of comments both public and private have led me to believe many people feel left out of God's love.

All people tend to see if this HUGE rule book. Do this. Do that. Do it my way and my way only. And then and only then will God love you.

Every religion seems to have some sort of rule book. Every one says their interpretation of the rule book is the one and only literal word of God. My question is, how can so many different interpretations literally be literally correct? The whole thing makes my head hurt.

I've seen love, joy, and God's grace on the "face" of each of you (since some of you I know in person and some only on Facebook). Everyone here has taken the time and energy to read and interact in some way. To me that interaction is God's grace and love.

How can we look upon each others face, a sunrise or sunset, or any other of God's creations and doubt for one millisecond that God loves each of us?

For me, the miracle of Advent/Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Winter Solstice/Yule and even Festivus, is the re-centering of our spirituality and souls while celebrating any of these seasons.

 What reason could there be for God not to love you?

Pon & Zi by Jeff Thomas







Stop living your life as if you are waiting for God to love you. Start living your life as if you believe you are loved. If you act on that belief long enough and hard enough, soon you will believe and know you are loved.





Face of Love by Jewel


"Face Of Love"


until tonight
my heart was just half full
i'd never known the fruit which fed the soul
but now i see what may put to rest my longing
for i have seen, the face of love
the grace of god, the face of love
in silence i feared my heart
would remain words unheard
inside a separateness of skin
but now i know that the skin just veils the soul
for i have seen, the face of love
the grace of god, the face of love
so take my hand and knowing
with it i also give my heart
wanting never to be separate again
let eternity begin
if you were flame
i'd allow myself to be consumed completely
were you wind i would wish you pass through me
but now i know that the skin just veils the soul
for i have seen, the face of love
the grace of god, the face of love

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have flip flopped between there is no God and if God exists, he/she hates me... and that's pretty much where I've been most of my life. I tried so hard to fit into the rules that were laid out by the church I grew up in, I even pretended to get "filled with the spirit"... I tried so hard and never succeeded in anything until I realized that if God does exist, he or she doesn't really care what we're doing in our lives. So why should I really care about those rules and regulations? No one really followed them anyways.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here other than I don't think God cares one way or the other... I think that if we're going to be happy, we've got to make that decision ourselves and not rely on others to love us or on some God out there in the universe to send happiness down on us.

Maybe it's a personal thing? Now that I'm pretty much at peace with who I am and where I'm going in my life (most of the time), I don't have the need to seek or speak to a higher being.

Though with the passing of my dog recently, I've thought more about heaven and seeing him again some day, but even with that... if there is an afterlife, I don't think my praying or believing in God will get me there... Which is completely contrary to everything I've been taught in my life. I guess what I'm saying here is my path is already laid out and God's not gonna change it whether I talk to him/her or not... so why bother with it?

Carrie Lynn Humphreys/ Autistic Mystic said...

I've been trying to decide how to answer this. I didn't want to be snide or cliche' or flippant.
If you are at peace then you are at the right place for you.
I however HAVE received Gods love through you. The first big smile and hug when we met in person. The passion with which I see you not only love dogs but defend them. The way you go at new things in life. Call it what you will but it allows me to see Gods love and beauty.
I'm glad even though we don't see each other much but through FB God but you in my life and time.

Shellie said...

I may not be sticking with the theme of the original "Aut/Myst aka Carrie" blog on this one. Bear (or bare, whichever is correct) with me, however I do have thought and I am just gonna go with it.

Being raised Baptist, and reading the KJV of the Bible, my belief/faith/mindset/conviction, blah blah blah is that I do NOT deserve God's love yet He loves me anyway. I am by nature a sinner who deserves Hell. I apologize if that may offend anyone, but that is my belief. I am saved by me accepting that God sent His son, Jesus who died on the cross and was resurrected 3 days later. Now for years I tried to wrap my brain around how humans came to be and how could there possibly be a being that created everything in this world, the universe, every star in the sky, every grain of sand and every hair on every humans head. Of course if you start thinking about it that way it does cause one to doubt there ever could be. Mom once told me "you can't think about it too long, you just have to have faith".

We would attend church and I would try to deny that God touched my heart or that I felt anything. In fact many sermons I spent daydreaming and avoiding the "holy spirit" who was most assuredly tugging at my heart strings. Now I can't say that I accepted Jesus as my savior on this day or that. I would pray at night in my bed and cry to myself and worry about my eternal soul. Maybe I accepted Him then, but I just didn't "feel" saved. Was that all it took? How would anyone know? I didn't tell anyone. Is that good enough? I would be ok for a while then again, something started gnawing at my heart. I pushed it WAY down. I choked back emotion and tears at sermons during alter call, which let me tell you as a Baptist, those alter calls could last for DAYS!!! This went on for years. I felt the spirit of God and Jesus and then again pushing it down inside. After I was married (at 20,) the first time, my then husband was not brought up in church despite being a Baptist preacher's grandson. I began to worry about his salvation as well as my own, again. I was bathing one night, me alone in my tub and something came over me, a true and genuine fear. I prayed and cried right there in the tub, to the point I was sobbing. Ok, then why am I sitting here. I NEED to have this peace in my life. If I am worried about where I will spend eternity I NEED to be sure where I will spend it. My then husband came in and through the tears I told him why I was so upset. He tried to reassure me but nothing doing, he suggested we visit my grandparents and ask their guidance. They both were long time Sunday school teachers, who to this day read and study the Bible. They walk the walk and not just talk the talk. They are not Bible thumpers or hypocrites and they are not judgmental folks live in the proverbial glass house. They are what they "preach". I remember walking in to mamaw's house, in tears and my then husband said to her "she is not sure if she is saved". I talked with them a while, and cried, papaw prayed and asked if I believed in Jesus and if I believed he died and was risen to save me. I said yes. "Well, that's all it take". WOW! It's so simple. Yet it took years for me to come to that moment, which lasted 15 seconds, but will last an eternity.

Now I am not say that I don't sin. God accepted me in Heaven that day, but being human He knew/knows I sin. But his love is so great that He accepted me based on that one belief in my heart-that i accepted his son as my savior.

Shellie said...

continued...Ok, so trying to steer back to the original blog, I am an undeserving sinner who is completely loved and protected by God. He deserves so much more from me than I will ever be able to give Him. It's sort of an unfair trade. He loves me way ore than I could ever love him, because of my flawed human nature. We have to be seekers of God. God will touch our hearts for a time but if we deny Him our love He will give up on us. I am thankful I had friends and family who I am sure constantly prayed for me in my struggle of faith. Even though I never showed one sign to them, I think they saw it. Maybe it was how I squirmed at the very talk of Jesus and God, maybe they saw a tear when the choir sang, I don't know but they loved me enough talk to God for me. He didn't give up on me.